Sadie and Hannah

Bruce got a new camera. Apparently he hasn't figured out how to get a good balance in the shot yet! Oh well, Sadie is the one with the big ears and big teeth. Hannah is and always will be the Queen. I'm working on some crazy barnyard shots, we had a skunk in the barn last night but I was too busy trying not to get sprayed to stop and take pictures, maybe tonight!

Blessings

Hi Everyone! It's been a cold rainy week here in Colorado, but what a blessing! It had been so dry and our fields were all burning up and it looked like the Summer was going to be another bad one, but out of nowhere, we've gotten almost 6 inches of rain just this month. I took the dogs for a walk tonight and there is actually water running in the stream bed at the bottom of our property, something I have never seen in the 14 years we've lived here. A couple of warm days and it will look like Spring!

Yesterday morning, while Bruce was feeding horses (in the pouring rain) something caught his eye and upon further inspection we determined that it was a hawk or falcon that was obviously having problems. We carefully caught it and put it in a cage and took it inside, it was really wet, but didn't appear to be hurt. I put it in front of the heater to dry it off. After scouting Birds of Prey online and calling the Rocky Mountain Wild Bird Rescue we were told that is was a Kestrel Falcon. We met them in Parker to give them the bird, they checked him out and didn't think he was injured, probably just got lost in all the rain. So he will be released back into nature, but what a cool thing! Speaking of birds, we have had a TON of hummingbirds this Summer and they must be starting to migrate because I can't keep my feeders full. It is so fun to watch them, they are aggressive little buggers! And they fly from sun up to sun down rain or shine.

It is the unexpected gifts you find along the way that make life rich. The birds and I forgot to tell you about the 2 baby kittens I found in the barn, just born and without a mother. I hunted (as I always do) to find a mom or surrogate, which in this case I found. She had just had kittens way back behind the hay. I had to move a few bales and rig up a kitten lift to get them back far enough and down low enough that I could drop them in without hurting them. It's been 3 days and it looks like everyone has settled in nicely. I can kind of see them with a flash light but today I could hear them and that was a gift to my ears.

Well, the world is still a little sad for me, but I am definitely finding reasons to be grateful and happy. I am sure that good things will continue to come my way and all I need to do is be prepared to see and receive them. There are miracles and blessings everywhere....

The past few months have been a blur and not such a good one. I've been struggling to deal with a lot of loss in my life and some days I don't know if I'm winning or loosing. Last Fall I lost my best friend, something I caused inadvertantly to happen. I learned a huge lesson about trust and keeping my mouth shut, it still leaves a huge hole in my heart and life. Early 2008, learned of the horrific death of my nephew. It should not have happened, his life should have been better and happier and he shouldn't have seen such sadness and abandonment. I've been looking at pictures of him through the years and it strikes me that he is always looking directly at you, his eyes are warm but piercing and he is a beautiful (and handsome) man. Next comes news of cancer, not just any cancer, but lung cancer, stage 4 to my longtime girlfriend and work colleague. She is too young, has too much to live for and like me never got the opportunity to be a mom, it SUCKS! She has been fighting like a champion and it is good to see that she is leading the charge for more education and more funding to fight this creepy disease, but its still not fair and it just doesn't seem possible. Around the same time, I learn I have been laid off from my job of 17 years. It is a blessing really and something I had been waiting for, but the shock, the finality and loss of my network has been hard. So many people that you thought you'd be friends with for ever, never even call. It's like you don't exist and that feels a lot like you never mattered... it makes you doubt friendships and motivations and really your own self esteem. It has been a struggle to get up and make myself just function on most days. I feel a little like I'm lost in a fog, with no real focus, but I guess there is always tomorrow. Did I mention that I belong to the most dysfunctional family I know of? Holy Cow I wouldn't even know where to start on that piece of it. I really miss my family as it used to be, can't really stand it as it is. Most days I just want to fade away which would be really easy because no one seems to give a rip anyway. Some of it is because there is so much going on in each of the families and I realize that my brothers and sisters need to turn their attention to their kids, which is where not having a family of my own starts to really hurt. I realize how alone in this deal I really am. Speaking of families, my brothers wife was diagnosed with breast cancer which is just devastating to him. I don't know if there is anyone I love more than my brother and it is so hard to see him going through this, especially because of the family dynamics and not being able to be as close to him as I would like to be. And lastly, 2 weeks ago my niece lost her life in a swimming accident. She and my nephew are brother and sister, both only separated by a few months and both barely 36 years old. She is the mother of 2 children and as beautiful as she can be It is so hard to understand, there is so much pain for what happened to them in their early years and how it must have impacted them through their lives and maybe even drove them down the paths that prematurely took 2 incredibly beautiful people from this world. I look at pictures of them, search for any small scraps of their lifes to hang onto, pray, cry and ask myself a million questions that I will never find answers too. I swing wildly between feelings of guilt, pain, sorrow, peace and hope before the anger hits me like a locomotive. And then at the end of the day, my heart is broken, so sad for what could have been, so sad for those left behind, so grateful for the parents that raised them, sacrificed for them and loved them. A&S I will love you always.....