January Funk

Welcome to my ramblings..... Usually every year I go into some kind of depressed funk in January. Maybe it's because I turn a year older or because the holidays are over and there is a natural let down. Maybe it's because it's usually cold, gray and creepy outside, who knows, but it is something I prepare for and brace myself for. This year hasn't actually been too bad. I've been pretty busy getting my business going (I've strapped over 2000 bands as of last night), I've tried to keep contact with family and friends, I flew yesterday and I keep repeating to myself...I am happy!

I'm not one to do big resolutions, I set and adjust goals almost every day. I carry a notebook that I write down thoughts and feelings in, that I usually really never go back and look at unless something happens that sparks my mind to go back or I find I need a specific piece of information, but it helps me organize and visualize what I am working towards, if that makes any sense at all. I'm a big fan of keeping pictures handy of the things I am striving for and in repeating positive affirmations.

It seems like I go back a lot to the question of "What is the point?" I wonder about the path my life has taken and why it has. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy with my life, it has been fun and an adventure at every turn, it just isn't what I thought it would be at 20. I thought I would get married in the temple to a handsome, great guy ( I think I fantasized that his name would be Steve or something like that) we'd have 5 kids, and live happily ever after. I was going to be a stay at home mom and that was going to be that. WOW, not even close!

So now, I'm a young 49, no kids (well, step kids, but not my own kids) not married in the temple (but married), my husband is Bruce (close but not Steve) I had a career, traveled, and hung out doing who knows what and basically enjoying life. But it is different. I will tell you that it has been awesome to just seek out the opportunities and go with them. I have experienced so many things that I never thought possible, met great people, gained wide and valuable insight into many different areas of human life. It's all been good. I'm grateful I got the opportunity to travel this road.

I do miss that I didn't get my own family, I think I would have been a good mom. I'm grateful though that I have good relationships with my nieces and nephews and that I get to participate in their lives, it is a huge blessing to me. I'm grateful for the things I've learned and continue to learn and that my black and white personality has been tempured and now has some color, compassion and patience blended into it. Over all, I'm just so thankful for each and every opportunity, for each new day that brings promise of great new things and also the forgiveness of things left undone in the preceding days. We never know how long we get on this earth, so I think that I should be happy for the sunrise, happy to get to go out in the snow and feed horses, honored to help or talk with someone else and just grateful for all that I have and all that I am. With all the gloom in the world today, it is still a beautiful and magnificent place. My goal for today is to make it brighter with a smile or kind word to each each person I come in contact with.

January gloom? Not this year... just some fun shots from days past.